Headlines and Mergers

(from an email from Ira L. J.)

Headlines (Apparently real ones)
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Include Your Children when Baking Cookies

Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout Counter

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Frank & Ernest by Thaves
[]
Frank & Ernest

Mergers

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.

3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.

John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.

Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I’m Home.

Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining merge to become Mine All Mine.

Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing reproductive organs.

Fairchild Electronics, Honeywell Computers, and Rothschild will merge and become Fairwell Honeychild.

3M, J.C. Penney, and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become 3 Penney Opera.

Grey Poupon & Dockers Pants will merge and become Poupon Pants.

Knott’s Berry Farm & National Organization of Women will merge and become Knott NOW!

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