Here are puns using homonyms: words that are exactly the same, but have two totally different meanings due to the history of the words. (Yes! “Words!” They are essentially two different words with the same spelling. Go figure that one out!)
- The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
- He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
- Every calendar’s days are numbered.
- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
- He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
- The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
- Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
- The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
- A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
- Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
- We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
- Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
- The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
- The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
- If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
- A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
- If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
- A doctor fell into the well
And broke his collar bone.
This should teach the doctor to tend the sick
And leave the well alone!