My Resume (well, not really MINE) – More plays on words

My Resume

  1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice
  factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

  2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but
  I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

  3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just
  wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

  4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but
  that was too exhausting.

  5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would
  add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

  6. I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I
  sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.

  7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I
  found I wasn't noteworthy.

  8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I
  didn't have any patience.

  9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but
  I just didn't fit in.

  10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but
  discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

  11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool
  Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

  12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but
  they said I wasn't fit for the job.

  13. After many years of trying to find steady work!
  I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no
  future in it.

  14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had
  to quit because it was always the same old grind.

  SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

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