My Resume 1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate. 2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. 3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job. 4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting. 5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme. 6. I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard. 7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy. 8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience. 9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in. 10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. 11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining. 12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job. 13. After many years of trying to find steady work! I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it. 14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!